Week 2, Day 1:
I’ve been feeling better for the last couple of days. I need to write more on those days so that everyone understands that depression is up and down. I want to share more of my up days because not everything is down.
I’m scheduled to talk at 2 churches so far this coming month. (May is mental health awareness month.) It’s a little nerve racking, but I’m hoping to speak to another pastor at a local church about speaking to his congregation as well. And I’ve already spoken to a pastor at a larger church and she has all kinds of ideas of where I could speak. She saw me once before when the depression first began and she says she sees a huge improvement.
I’m nervous about my next therapist appointment. I don’t know if it’s going to work out, but I’m thinking I’m doing well enough that I would need to see someone once a week. It’s possible that during winter two times a week would be better because the winter is so hard on me.
The therapist session went really well. I think she’s really going to be able to help me with my issues and help me get to a point when I don’t have to see a therapist weekly. I really felt like there was a connection and that she’s going to be very beneficial for me. She’s going to be the assistant to my mechanic while working on my mind.
I’m really starting to look forward to the future, something I never thought I’d be able to do. I’m still going to have my struggles but for today, things are looking up!!
Today was filled with ups and downs. I went hiking with my BF. Please click here to read about my day.
I’ve been feeling uninspired with my writing lately. It’s not flowing like it used to and I’m frustrated with it. Maybe part of the problem is that I’m writing mostly scientific and informational posts. Posts that are meant to educate but if I’m feeling uninspired writing them, who is going to want to read them?
I think I’m also feeling frustrated that things aren’t moving faster along. I feel like I’m plodding through each today and it’s a struggle. I want to be happy, but at the moment all I can do is find those bits of happy moments that occur day to day and add them together. Will I ever be fully happy? Am I meant to be happy?
I got taken off of all my meds today. I’m not sure how I feel about it. Of course, we weren’t sure if they were working and I was feeling better while only sporadically taking them so perhaps this is for the best. I don’t like having to rely on drugs anyway.
I had a good session in therapy but we really just talked about my week. I think we’re still trying to get the lay of the land. I know that I do want to work on self-validation, so it’s something I’m going to bring up in my next session.