Rumination

Rumination is the continuous dwelling on issues in our past and difficulties and things that distress us in the present. It is becoming preoccupied with something and not being able to get it out of your mind. There is helpful and unhelpful rumination. The problem comes when you are focusing on what has gone wrong and this leads to negative thinking. Too much negative thinking can lead to depression and maintaining a depressive episode.

Rumination is normal because everyone dwells on their problems to a point. It’s when the circular thinking patterns that are rumination continue in overdrive, that it becomes a problem. Rumination is different than worry in than worry is future focused and often leads to anxiety. Rumination is past focused and leads to depression. Rumination is a learnt strategy for dealing with our problems however unhelpful rumination can lead to inactivity and avoidance of problem-solving.

Unhelpful rumination Helpful rumination
  • Ask my “why…?” questions
  • (Evaluative mode)
  • Why questions tend to focus on the problem, its causes and it consequences
  • “What did I do to deserve this?” & “Will my life ever get better?”
  • Is continuous
  • Asks more “How…?” questions
  • (Process-focused mode)
  • How questions tend to focus on solving problems
  • “How can I make my life better?”
  • Is time-limited. It stops when the problem is solved

One of the biggest strategies for unhelpful rumination is accepting the situation and being mindful in the present moment. Mindfulness is the most useful coping skill for dealing with depression and will be discussed in a future post.

There are many steps to stopping rumination. Some examples would be accepting your situation, being aware that you are ruminating, or distracting yourself. Please follow this link for a list on 11 Steps to Stop Ruminating.

Remember rumination can be helpful if it is time-limited and problem-solving. However, unhelpful rumination can cause and continue depression, so it is better to find ways to stop rumination if you want to continue your road of recovery.

http://jayuhdinger.com/chapters/chapter-3-practice-11-steps-to-stop-ruminating/

http://jayuhdinger.com/chapters/chapter-2-rumination-faulty-thinking/

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Trust

I have a hard time trusting people. I’ve watched so many people walk away from me that it’s hard for me to trust that friends are going to stay in my life. I wonder if it’s something wrong with me that makes people walk away. As I’ve been told, there can’t be something wrong with the entire rest of the world, so it has to be me. There has to be something wrong with me. Too bad I can’t figure out what it is.

Maybe my standards are too high. I think that friends should be there for each other no matter what. I’ve answered the phone before at 3 o’clock in the morning because a friend needed me. Why can’t someone do that for me? I think that friends should stand by each other through thick and thin. I only have two friends that I can count on, and even then I’m hesitant to do so. A part of me thinks that if I push too hard, or make too many demands, they’ll walk away and then I’ll be left with no one.

Maybe, a part of me pushes at people because I don’t expect them to stay. It’s almost like I’m pushing them to see where their breaking point is. Because I expect them to leave, I push until they do. Unfortunately, I’m still disappointed and upset when they do. I’m not sure why I push at people. I wish I wouldn’t though. I would like to have more than 2 friends.

I wish I could trust people, but they haven’t given me any reason to believe that I can. In many ‘friendships’ I feel like I have to do all of the work. I’m the one reaching out to them and trying to plan things. That seems to be something that they don’t reciprocate, so what’s the point of trying when they won’t do the same for you? I wish I could believe that my friends wouldn’t walk away from me, but so many have left me that it’s impossible to believe that. I wish I could figure out what the problem is, then maybe I’d have friends.

My Story: Part 7

This is a continuation, part 7, of my daily journal of life after outpatient treatment for depression, and anxiety. Please click for Part 1Part 2Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, and Part 6.

Part 7, Day 1,:

Vacation was amazing!! I lived in the moment and all of my stress and depression melted away. I felt so good on vacation. Of course, the minute I walked through my door at home, everything came crashing down onto my shoulders. So I guess I need to learn how to live like I’m on vacation. That’s easier said than done.

Day 5:

So I’ve decided to get a dog, or more specifically an emotional support animal. I’ve been putting it off lately, but I’ve finally decided that it’s now or never. I can’t keep waiting forever. I’m looking forward to having an emotional support animal. Hopefully it will help me with my depression.

On the flip side, learning to live like I’m on vacation is not an easy task. I’m struggling with it. I was so happy and living in the moment while on vacation and now that I’m home, everything is getting to me. I feel like I’m upset every other day. I wish my depression would get better. Hopefully a dog will help.

Day 12:

Today was a horrible day. I spent most of the day crying. First, I found out that the third dog that I was interested in was no longer available for adoption. Then, I found out that my best friend had changed his plans, making me feel like he had lied to me. Normally, we get lunch or dinner every Thursday, but today I feel like he is blowing me off. I feel like I’m not important or wanted.

All of which is a little ridiculous, because my boyfriend was hanging out with me today so it should have been a good day. At least he lets me use his shoulder to cry on. He even cried a little because I was so upset and he hates seeing me that way. He can be so cute. Of course, I cried when he left. I hate when he leaves. I know I’ll see him again, but I hate that we only get to see each other twice a week. I wish we could be together more.

Day 15:

It’s hard to stay angry at your best friend when he does nice things for you. I’ve been angry at him ever since I felt like he lied to me. But today, he might have found me a puppy and then he stopped by my work on his way home just to say hi. It was very nice of him and I made sure he knew that I appreciated it. It’s just been a struggle with him having a new girlfriend. I feel forgotten until he suddenly decides to do something to show me that I still exist in his life. I just wish those gestures weren’t so few and far between. That can make it difficult to remember.

Day 18:

I got the puppy!!! I was so nervous that my application was going to get turned down. I went and visited them yesterday, but they didn’t have any of the unadopted puppies in so I was told to come back tomorrow. Boy, was I surprised when she asked me if I wanted to take the puppy home with me that day. I wasn’t ready at all!! I had to ask my mom to puppy-sit so I could go get everything I need for her. I’m sure she’ll be a handful but it’ll be so nice having a dog to come home to. I can’t wait to train her!!!

Please stay tuned for Part 8. Here are the links for Part 1Part 2Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, and Part 6.