Validation

100th Post

Talia Malon Personal Observation , , ,

This is my 100th post.

Firstly, I would like to thank everyone who reads this blog. While this blog is therapy for me, it is also written to inform and educate others regarding mental illness. Without you, this blog wouldn’t have a purpose.

Secondly, I would like to give some background on where I was when this blog was started versus where I am now. When I first started this blog, I was freshly graduated from outpatient treatment. I was writing not only as therapy, but because I was inspired. I wanted to inform and educate others. I wanted to share my personal experiences and take the stigma away from mental illness. And while there was some rockiness in regards to this blog (my two year absence), I have come so much further. I have learned so much and made great strides in my personal life.

While I should never have stopped writing, it was a necessary break for me. I need the time to separate from the friend who started the blog with me. The friend who walked away.

I hope to continue writing and educating others on this blog as I continue my own journey through depression and anxiety. I hope this blog has helped you and I continue to encourage you in your own journey with mental illness. I know it’s a difficult path, however you can make it through. Know that I am here for you and I am rooting for you just as I hope you are rooting for me.

Please note that for the future, because of time restraints I will be posting only once a week.

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Accountability & Victimization

Talia Malon Scientific , ,

Accountability is to take responsibility usually for one’s actions, feelings and beliefs. It is a personal choice to rise above one’s circumstances and demonstrate the ownership necessary for achieving desired results.

Victimization is to become the victim. Victimization occurs naturally when someone is duped, swindled or the necessary enforcements are not followed through. (I.e. victim blaming, etc.) However many people will cast themselves as a victim in order to make themselves feel or look better or to deflect a problem away from them. Victimization is also to deny, ignore, defer, criticize and blame.

Accountable Stance Victim Stance
Sense of reality Excuse Making
Ownership, commitment Projection onto others, Blaming others
Solutions to problems Deflection, Confusion
Determined Action Attitude of helplessness
Implement change Status Quo

People who victimize themselves have stories to explain why things go wrong, while people who hold themselves accountable are empowered by commitment and hard work. These types of victims will ignore their responsibility for a situation, often playing the blame game and creating their own reality where they are always portrayed as the victim. They often feel stuck in life feeling confused, asking for help, claiming that they can’t do something or they will wait to see if a situation will miraculously resolve itself.

There are four steps to moving from victimization to accountability. These can be related back to the Wizard of Oz:

Character Example Action
Lion Courage See It
Tin Man Heart Own It
Scarecrow Wisdom Solve It
Dorothy Means Do It
Wicked Witch Bully (or yourself/mind) Victimization

See It

This first step takes courage and involves acknowledging reality. This can also involve gaining feedback from others to keep yourself on track and gain insight. Accountable people gain other people’s insights and perceptions to add to their own to recognize when you might be acting like the victim

Own It

The second step involves heart and owning your circumstances.Recognize where you are at in life. Are you portraying yourself as the victim? Recognize this and take accountability for your actions and behaviors that have kept you from moving forward.

Solve It

In this step, you must use wisdom to solve the issues. This behavior stems from asking “What else can I do?” It pushes you to find solutions to your problems which leads you to step four.

Do It

This step is the means or way and  means accepting responsibility for your behaviors and actions. you follow through with your plans, implement strategies and execute ideas. Falling short indicates the lack of accountability and responsibility.

According to the Oz Principle, there are 16 traits of accountability. These are:

  1. Obtaining the perspectives of others.
  2. Being open and candid in communication.
  3. Asking for and offering feedback.
  4. Hearing the hard things so that you openly see the reality of the situation.
  5. Being personally invested.
  6. Learning from both successes and failures.
  7. Ensuring that your work is aligned with results.
  8. Acting on the feedback that you receive.
  9. Constantly asking, “What else can I do?”
  10. Collaborating across functional boundaries.
  11. Creatively dealing with obstacles.
  12. Taking the necessary risks.
  13. Doing the things you say you’ll do.
  14. Not blaming others.
  15. Tracking progress with proactive and transparent reporting.
  16. Building an environment of trust.

These steps and traits can be used in your personal and professional life.

https://www.ozprinciple.com/self/steps-to-accountability/

http://www.resourcesinaction.com/articles/PDFs/acctability_vicitm.pdf

Validation & Why It Can Become A Problem

Talia Malon Personal Observation , , ,

Validation is important because it is telling yourself or others that what you think, experience, believe and feel is real, important, understandable and logical. We learn in childhood how to validate others and rely on their validation of ourselves. Their thoughts and opinions often affect how we think and feel about a certain situation or even another person. During childhood, however, we also learn to doubt ourselves and our emotions, so that we trust other people more than ourselves. This can be a problem because validation for both yourself and for others, improves the quality of our lives.

Validating others can help your relationships. Recognizing that their experiences, beliefs and feelings are important to them can strengthen your relationship. By validating their feelings, you are telling them that what they feel is real and understandable. Validation, however, does not mean that you approve of or agree with the behavior. Validation is non-judgmental, which can be difficult. It is our natural inclination to judge people based on their looks and behaviors so it can take some work, being non-judgmental when you validate.

Validating yourself takes time and patience. Today’s society teaches us not to rely on ourselves and our own emotions. Self-validation is about recognizing our emotions and realizing their importance. Self-validation often quiets defensive or fearful emotions. It also allows us to let go of pain and exhaustion from constant self-justification and self-doubt. Self-validation teaches us to be confident within ourselves and with our feelings and emotions, whether they are good or bad, logical or illogical.

Some ways to validate yourself and others is to observe. Focus on the inherent worth of the person or yourself. State the facts of the situation non-judgmentally. State the unstated, which includes identifying primary emotions for yourself. And finally, find out what is true or valid about the experience. When validating someone else, it is important to empathize and be non-judgmental. When validating yourself, if you realize that the thoughts you are having are ‘irrational’, it is still important to validate that they exist and are powerful in the moment.

Validation will improve the quality of your life and the lives of others. We are constantly seeking validation from others, but we also need to seek validation from ourselves. Are we comfortable with the situation? Do we approve of our actions? If not, why? Be non-judgmental and learn to be comfortable in your own skin. That’s what self-validation is all about.