DEAR MAN Worksheet

Asking for What I Want or Refusing a Request

“DEAR MAN”

Describe the current situation. Tell the person exactly what you are reacting to. Stick to the facts. __________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________

Express your feelings and opinions about the situation. Assume that others cannot read your mind. Don’t expect others to know how hard it is for you to ask directly for what you want. _______________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________

Assert yourself by asking for what you want or saying no clearly. Assume that others cannot read your mind. Don’t expect others to know how hard it is for you to ask directly for what you want.

_______________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________

Reinforce the reward to the person ahead of time. Tell the person the positive effects of getting what you want or need. Help the person feel good ahead of time for doing what you want. _______________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________

Mindfully keep your focus on your objectives. Maintain your position. Don’t be distracted.

Appear Confidant Use a confidant voice tone and physical manner; make good eye contact. No stammering, whispering, staring at the floor, retreating, saying “I’m not sure,” etc.

Negotiate by being willing to give to get. Offer and ask for alternative solutions to the problem. What am I willing to “settle for” or “give up” in order to gain what I want in the situation? _________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

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